When students struggle to ask for help

Key Takeaways

Audience Spotlight: Struggling Learners and the Challenge of Asking for Help

Many parents notice their high schooler hesitates to ask for support in class or at home. When high school students struggle to ask for help, it is rarely about laziness or lack of effort. Instead, your child may feel embarrassed, afraid of being judged, or unsure about how to approach teachers and peers. For struggling learners, these feelings can be even stronger. The pressure of keeping up with assignments and understanding complex subjects often leads to quiet frustration, missed opportunities, and a sense of isolation. Recognizing these emotional challenges is the first step in supporting your child’s growth.

Definitions

Self-advocacy is the ability to understand and communicate one’s needs in order to get appropriate support or accommodations.

Asking for help means reaching out to someone—like a teacher, tutor, or peer—when you are struggling to understand or complete a task.

Why Do High School Students Struggle to Ask for Help?

When high school students struggle to ask for help, their silence often masks a complex mix of emotions and beliefs. Many teens fear that asking for assistance will make them look less capable, especially in an environment where independence is valued. Some worry that teachers or classmates will think less of them. Others do not want to stand out or draw attention to their challenges. For struggling learners, these concerns can feel overwhelming, especially if past experiences of speaking up led to embarrassment or being ignored.

Experts in child development note that adolescence is a time when self-image is especially sensitive. High schoolers are forming their identities and want to be seen as competent and self-sufficient. At the same time, academic content grows more difficult and expectations rise. The result: students who need help may stay silent, even as they fall behind.

Common Emotional Barriers: What Stops Teens from Reaching Out?

• Fear of Judgment: Worrying that asking for help means you are not smart enough.
• Peer Pressure: Wanting to fit in and not appear different from classmates.
• Pride: Believing that you should be able to do it alone, or that needing help is a weakness.
• Not Knowing How: Feeling unsure about what to say, who to approach, or when it is appropriate to ask.

Many teachers and parents report that even academically strong students struggle with these feelings. Struggling learners, in particular, may replay negative experiences or internalize criticism, making it harder to take the first step.

Self-Advocacy Skills: Building Confidence in Asking for Help

Self-advocacy is not just about speaking up; it is about knowing when and how to ask for support. When high school students struggle to ask for help, they may not recognize their own needs or how to express them. Parents can play a powerful role by modeling and practicing these skills at home.

• Identify specific needs: Help your child reflect on what they find challenging. Is it a particular subject, confusing instructions, time management, or something else?
• Role-play conversations: Practice how to start a conversation with a teacher. For example, “I did not understand the homework. Could you explain it another way?”
• Normalize mistakes: Remind your teen that everyone needs help sometimes—including adults.
• Encourage small steps: If asking in front of the class feels scary, suggest emailing the teacher or speaking after class.

Grade 9-12 Guide: Knowing When to Ask for Help

Knowing when to ask for help is as important as knowing how. For high school students, the signs that support is needed may be subtle:

• Spending hours on homework but not making progress
• Frequent frustration, tears, or giving up on assignments
• Declining grades despite effort
• Withdrawing from class discussions or group work

Encourage your child to pay attention to these signs and talk openly about them. Share examples from your own life when you needed support and how it made a difference. This helps break the stigma and shows that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.

What If My Child Refuses to Ask for Help?

It is common for parents to worry when high school students struggle to ask for help, especially if your teen insists on handling everything alone. Here are some strategies that may support your child:

• Validate their feelings: Let your teen know it is normal to feel nervous or embarrassed about asking for help.
• Offer choices: Instead of insisting, give your child options. Would they prefer to talk to a teacher, meet with a tutor, or work with a peer?
• Celebrate effort: Praise any small steps your child takes toward reaching out, even if it is just sending an email or asking a question after class.
• Connect to resources: Remind your child that support is available. Share helpful links, such as those on self-advocacy or skill-building.

Learning to Ask for Help: Practical Tips for Parents

Learning to ask for help is a process, not a one-time event. Here are some ways you can foster this skill at home:

• Model vulnerability: Share times when you needed help and how you asked for it.
• Practice together: Role-play different scenarios, like talking to a teacher about a confusing assignment or asking for clarification on a project.
• Make it routine: Encourage your child to check in with teachers regularly, not just when they are struggling. Building these relationships reduces anxiety about speaking up.
• Reframe help-seeking: Emphasize that asking for help is responsible and mature, not a sign of weakness.

Success Stories: Overcoming the Fear of Speaking Up

Many parents have seen their children gain confidence through small, supported steps. For example, one family noticed their ninth-grader was spending hours on math homework, growing more frustrated each night. With gentle encouragement, the student agreed to email the teacher for clarification. The teacher responded warmly, offering extra help after school. Over time, the student became more comfortable seeking support in other classes, too. These small victories build resilience and independence—skills that will serve your child well throughout high school and beyond.

Tutoring Support

When high school students struggle to ask for help, K12 Tutoring is here to guide families through these challenges. Our tutors provide a welcoming, judgment-free space where students can learn how to advocate for themselves and develop the confidence to seek support. By working together, we help students build skills that extend beyond academics and into lifelong self-advocacy. If your child is having trouble reaching out for help, remember that growth is possible and support is always available.

Related Resources

• How to Support Young Kids Who Are Struggling in School
• What Is Self-Advocacy? Tips for Speaking Up
• Asking for Help: Getting Past Obstacles for Teens

Trust & Transparency Statement

Last reviewed: October 2025
This article was prepared by the K12 Tutoring education team, dedicated to helping students succeed with personalized learning support and expert guidance. K12 Tutoring content is reviewed periodically by education specialists to reflect current best practices and family feedback. Have ideas or success stories to share? Email us at [email protected].