Understanding help seeking behavior for neurodivergent learners

Key Takeaways

Audience Spotlight: Neurodivergent Learners and Their Unique Needs

If you are a parent of a neurodivergent learner, you know that your child’s learning journey will be filled with both challenges and strengths. Neurodivergent children, including those with ADHD, autism, dyslexia, or other learning differences, may experience schoolwork and daily tasks differently from their peers. Understanding help seeking behavior for neurodivergent learners gives you insight into why your child might avoid asking for help, or why they might seek it in ways that are sometimes misunderstood. Every child deserves to feel safe and supported when reaching out, whether they are learning at home or in a traditional classroom. By recognizing and responding to your child’s unique communication and emotional needs, you can help build a foundation for resilience and effective self-advocacy.

Definitions

Neurodivergent: Describes individuals whose thinking, learning, or social experiences differ from what is considered typical, often including ADHD, autism, or dyslexia.

Help seeking behavior: The process of recognizing when support is needed and reaching out to others—such as parents, teachers, or tutors—for assistance.

Why Do Some Neurodivergent Learners Struggle to Ask for Help?

It is common for neurodivergent learners to encounter unique barriers when it comes to seeking help. Many parents notice that their children may struggle with knowing when and how to ask for assistance. Understanding help seeking behavior for neurodivergent learners means recognizing that these behaviors are often shaped by past experiences, communication styles, and self-esteem. For example, a child with ADHD may feel embarrassed about forgetting instructions, while a child with autism may not recognize when they are confused or overwhelmed.

Experts in child development note that neurodivergent learners sometimes internalize messages from peers, teachers, or even siblings. They might worry about being judged, or believe that asking for help is a sign of weakness. For some, sensory overload or anxiety can make it difficult to speak up, especially in group settings. By understanding these challenges, parents can create a supportive environment where help seeking is seen as a strength, not a setback.

Knowing When to Ask for Help: A Foundational Self-Advocacy Skill

Knowing when to ask for help is a key part of self-advocacy, especially for neurodivergent learners. Identifying the right moment to reach out can be hard for any student, but especially so for those who process information differently. Understanding help seeking behavior for neurodivergent learners gives parents the tools to coach their children through moments of uncertainty.

Some signs your child may need help include:

• Spending far longer than peers on simple tasks
• Appearing frustrated or upset when working alone
• Withdrawing or shutting down during challenging activities
• Repeating the same mistakes without improvement
• Making vague statements like “I do not get it” or “This is too hard”

Gently encouraging your child to notice these moments can help them develop the confidence to speak up. You might say, “It looks like this is taking a while—would you like to talk through it together?” or “Sometimes everyone gets stuck. What would help you move forward right now?”

Common Emotional Barriers and Mistakes Parents See

Many teachers and parents report that neurodivergent learners often feel anxious or ashamed about needing support. Some children believe they will get in trouble for making mistakes, or that their questions are not important. Others may not realize they need help until they are overwhelmed. These emotional barriers can lead to common mistakes, such as:

• Hiding unfinished work or avoiding tasks altogether
• Only asking for help after becoming very upset
• Relying on parents or siblings to “fix” problems instead of understanding them
• Assuming teachers or tutors will notice and offer help without being asked

Recognizing these patterns is the first step in helping your child develop healthy help seeking habits. Normalize the idea that everyone asks for help sometimes, and that it takes courage to speak up when something is difficult.

Grade Band Strategies: Supporting Help Seeking at Home and Beyond

Whether you are homeschooling or supporting your child’s learning at home, strategies for understanding help seeking behavior for neurodivergent learners can be tailored to different age groups. Here is how you can coach your child at every stage:

Elementary (K-5): Building Trust and Language

• Use simple phrases like “I need help” or “Can you show me?”
• Model asking for help yourself, e.g., “I am having trouble with this recipe. Can you read these steps with me?”
• Celebrate small moments when your child asks for help, reinforcing positive behavior

Middle School (6-8): Practicing Independence

• Encourage your child to identify specific questions, not just say they are stuck
• Roleplay real-life scenarios: “If you get confused on an assignment, what could you say to your teacher?”
• Discuss the difference between giving up and seeking help as a step toward problem-solving

High School (9-12): Self-Advocacy and Planning for the Future

• Teach your teen how to email teachers or tutors with clear, respectful requests
• Help them set boundaries around when and how to seek help, promoting self-reliance
• Encourage the use of school resources, such as office hours, study groups, or online forums

Throughout all grade bands, remember that understanding help seeking behavior for neurodivergent learners is an ongoing process, not a one-time lesson. Returning to these skills regularly helps your child build resilience and independence.

Parent Question: How Can I Tell If My Child Is Struggling to Ask for Help?

Many parents wonder if their neurodivergent child is struggling in silence. Clues may include unfinished homework, frequent meltdowns after schoolwork, or avoiding certain subjects. If your child seems anxious or withdrawn when faced with challenging tasks, they may be having trouble recognizing when students should ask for help. Gently check in by asking open-ended questions, such as, “What was the hardest part of your work today?” or “Is there something you wish you could change about your study time?”

Pay attention to nonverbal cues, like fidgeting, sighing, or leaving the room. Encourage your child to share their thoughts, and remind them that asking for help is a skill everyone uses—even adults.

Coaching Tips: Building Confidence and Self-Advocacy at Home

Here are some practical strategies for parents to coach help seeking at home:

• Normalize help seeking by sharing your own experiences and challenges.
• Practice scripts together, such as “I do not understand this part. Can you explain it differently?”
• Offer choices: “Would you like help now, or do you want to try a little longer first?”
• Praise effort and persistence, not just correct answers.
• Use visual cues or written reminders for children who struggle with verbal requests.
• Encourage breaks if your child is overwhelmed before trying again.

For additional support, you may find helpful resources on self-advocacy skills and other guides available at K12 Tutoring.

What If My Child Feels Embarrassed or Afraid to Ask?

It is important to acknowledge that embarrassment or fear around asking for help is normal—especially for neurodivergent learners who may have had negative experiences in the past. Remind your child that everyone needs support sometimes. Create a judgment-free space at home, where mistakes are seen as learning opportunities. Encourage them to write down questions if speaking up feels too hard, or to use a signal (like a hand-raise card) to let you know when they are stuck.

If your child continues to worry about asking for help, consider reaching out to teachers or tutors to build a collaborative plan. Working together as a team reassures your child that they have allies both at home and in their learning community.

Related Resources

• Self-Advocacy Education
• Self-Advocacy: Strategies for All Ages
• How to Build the Foundation for Self-Advocacy in Young Children

Tutoring Support

K12 Tutoring understands the importance of building independence and confidence in neurodivergent learners. Our experienced tutors are trained to recognize and support diverse help seeking behaviors, working closely with families to create a personalized approach. Whether your child is learning at home or in school, we are here to offer practical tools and a caring partnership every step of the way.

Trust & Transparency Statement

Last reviewed: October 2025
This article was prepared by the K12 Tutoring education team, dedicated to helping students succeed with personalized learning support and expert guidance. K12 Tutoring content is reviewed periodically by education specialists to reflect current best practices and family feedback. Have ideas or success stories to share? Email us at [email protected].