Mistakes kids make when asking for help

Key Takeaways

Audience Spotlight: Advanced Students and Asking for Help

Many parents of advanced students notice that their children are highly capable, motivated, and often independent learners. However, these strengths can sometimes hide a reluctance to ask for assistance, even when it would be beneficial. Advanced students might fear that asking for help signals weakness, or they may worry about disappointing adults who expect excellence. Recognizing the mistakes kids make when asking for help is the first step in supporting your child’s ongoing growth and confidence. In a homeschool environment, where children may have fewer peers to observe or fewer opportunities for casual questions, these patterns can become even more pronounced. By understanding the unique experiences of advanced learners, parents can create an environment that encourages self-advocacy and healthy risk-taking.

Definitions

Self-advocacy means the ability to speak up for one’s needs and ask for the support required to succeed.
Knowing when to ask for help is the skill of recognizing moments of confusion, overwhelm, or challenge and taking action to seek guidance or clarification before frustration builds.

Common Mistakes Kids Make When Asking for Help

Experts in child development note that learning to ask for help is a core part of building independence and resilience. Yet, many children—and especially advanced students—fall into common traps. Here are several mistakes kids make when asking for help, along with real-life scenarios and practical ways parents can support healthier habits.

1. Waiting Too Long to Ask for Help

Many advanced students are used to figuring things out on their own. This persistence is a strength, but it can also lead to procrastination or frustration. Sometimes, your child may spend hours struggling with a single math problem or reading passage, not wanting to admit difficulty. This delay can lead to stress, lower confidence, and even resentment toward the subject or task.

Parent tip: Normalize that everyone, even experts, needs help sometimes. Try saying, “I noticed you’ve been working hard on this for a while. It’s okay to ask questions when something is unclear.” Encourage your child to view asking for help as a smart strategy, not a last resort.

2. Not Knowing How to Ask Clearly

Sometimes, children want help but are unsure how to express their needs. Instead of asking a specific question, they may say, “I don’t get it,” or simply become quiet. This makes it hard for parents or teachers to know what kind of support is needed. Advanced students may be especially prone to this mistake because they are used to understanding things quickly and may have less practice breaking down what they do not know.

Parent tip: Coach your child to ask focused questions. For example, “Can you help me understand this step in the problem?” or “I’m stuck on the instructions—can we read them together?” Practicing these phrases makes it easier to get the right kind of help.

3. Feeling Embarrassed or Ashamed

Many teachers and parents report that even high-achieving students sometimes feel embarrassed to ask for help. They may worry about being seen as less capable or about disappointing their parents. In a homeschool setting, where family dynamics are close and expectations can feel high, these feelings may be even stronger.

Parent tip: Reinforce that mistakes and questions are natural parts of learning. Share stories from your own life about times when you needed help. Remind your child that asking questions shows motivation and curiosity, not failure.

4. Relying Only on Parents for Help

In homeschool environments, children may naturally turn to parents first for assistance. While this is supportive, advanced students also benefit from learning to seek help from other sources—books, online resources, tutors, or even peers. Over-reliance on parents can limit their independence and problem-solving skills.

Parent tip: Encourage your child to brainstorm other ways to find answers. Show them how to search for reliable online explanations, use reference materials, or reach out to a tutor when appropriate. This builds confidence and autonomy.

5. Not Following Up If Help Does Not Work

Sometimes, children ask for help but still feel confused after receiving assistance. Advanced students, in particular, may hesitate to ask for further clarification, thinking they “should” understand already. This can lead to incomplete learning and frustration.

Parent tip: Check in after offering help. Ask, “Does this make more sense? Is there another part you’d like to go over?” This models persistence and shows that asking additional questions is perfectly acceptable.

When Should Students Ask for Help? A Parent’s Guide

Knowing when students should ask help is a skill that develops over time and with support. Here are some signs that your child may benefit from reaching out for assistance:

• They feel stuck on a problem for longer than ten to fifteen minutes without progress.
• They begin to feel stressed, anxious, or frustrated during learning activities.
• They avoid a subject or task they once enjoyed.
• They make repeated errors on similar types of questions.
• They express confusion or uncertainty about instructions or expectations.

Encourage your child to view these moments as opportunities for growth, not setbacks. Remind them that everyone, even adults, encounters challenges that require support. Practicing these skills at home can make it easier for children to self-advocate in other settings, such as extracurricular activities or future college courses.

Grade Band Insights: Homeschool Students and Knowing When to Ask for Help

Homeschool students of all ages face unique challenges in learning when and how to ask for help. Younger children (elementary grades) may not recognize when they need assistance, while middle and high schoolers might worry about their independence or about “bothering” their parent-teacher. Advanced students, regardless of grade, may hide their confusion to uphold a reputation for being “the smart one.” Here are suggestions for each age group:

• Elementary (K-5): Use visuals or signals, such as a “help card,” so young children can indicate when they are stuck, even if they do not have the words yet. Check in regularly with gentle questions.
• Middle Grades (6-8): Teach your child to write down questions as they work. Encourage them to try three strategies (re-read instructions, check notes, look up a definition) before asking for help, then discuss their process together.
• High School (9-12): Foster independence by guiding students to research solutions, use online forums, or connect with subject-specific tutors. Remind them that even advanced learners need support during challenging coursework or test prep.

For more ideas on building self-advocacy, see our Self advocacy resources.

How Can Parents Help Advanced Students Avoid Mistakes When Asking for Help?

It is natural to wonder how best to support your child’s communication and confidence. Here are some practical strategies:

• Model help-seeking behavior. Share with your child how you ask for advice or information in your own life.
• Make it safe to ask questions. Praise curiosity and effort, not just correct answers.
• Address perfectionism. Reassure your child that learning is a process and that everyone needs assistance at times.
• Provide structured opportunities. Schedule times for “question breaks” during lessons or allow your child to submit questions anonymously if that feels safer.
• Celebrate effort and improvement. Recognize small steps, like asking a specific question or following up for clarification.

Remember, building self-advocacy and communication takes time. Patience, encouragement, and a willingness to listen lay the foundation for lifelong resilience.

Tutoring Support

K12 Tutoring understands that every child, including advanced and homeschool students, faces unique challenges when it comes to asking for help. Our tutors are trained to encourage self-advocacy, foster confidence, and support your child in developing the skills needed to thrive independently. Whether your child needs occasional guidance or regular support, we are here as a trusted partner on their learning journey.

Related Resources

• Practical Help: Why It’s Okay to Accept and Ask for Support – Five for Families
• Learning Disabilities and Self-Advocacy
• Preventing Child Abuse and Neglect: Encourage Parents and Caregivers to Ask for Help When They Need It – CDC

Trust & Transparency Statement

Last reviewed: October 2025
This article was prepared by the K12 Tutoring education team, dedicated to helping students succeed with personalized learning support and expert guidance. K12 Tutoring content is reviewed periodically by education specialists to reflect current best practices and family feedback. Have ideas or success stories to share? Email us at [email protected].