Knowing when it’s time to ask for help

Key Takeaways

Audience Spotlight: Confidence Habits for High School Success

Parents who want to help their teens develop strong confidence habits often wonder whether their child is struggling with more than just a tough assignment. High school is full of new challenges, and knowing when its time to ask for help can make the difference between feeling stuck and moving forward. Many parents notice their teenagers hesitate to reach out, worried about appearing weak or different from peers. Supporting your child in building confidence means teaching them that seeking help is a sign of strength. By modeling this at home and talking openly about your own experiences, you can help your child see that everyone needs support at times and that asking for help is a key ingredient for growth and confidence.

Definitions

Self-advocacy means understanding your needs and communicating them clearly to others in order to receive the right support. Help-seeking is the skill of recognizing when you need assistance and reaching out to the appropriate person, such as a teacher, counselor, or tutor.

Why Knowing When Its Time to Ask for Help Matters

As your child moves through high school, the workload, social pressures, and expectations increase. Experts in child development note that teens who master knowing when its time to ask for help are better equipped to manage stress, solve problems, and grow into independent adults. High school students asking for help are not just seeking answers—they are practicing a lifelong skill that will serve them in college, careers, and relationships.

Many teachers and parents report that students who seek help early on tend to experience less overwhelm, higher motivation, and improved grades. On the other hand, teens who avoid asking for support may fall behind, lose confidence, or even develop anxiety about schoolwork. Normalizing help-seeking in your home can set your child up for lasting resilience.

Spotting the Signs: Is It Time to Step In?

Recognizing when your child might benefit from extra support is the first step. Here are some common signs that it may be time for a conversation about knowing when its time to ask for help:

• Your teen is spending excessive hours on homework with little progress.
• They express frustration, anxiety, or anger about assignments or subjects.
• Grades are slipping despite effort, or your child stops turning in work.
• They avoid talking about school or seem withdrawn after classes.
• Your child says they “should” be able to handle things alone, even when struggling.

If you notice any of these behaviors, gently ask your child how they are feeling about school and whether they would like support. Remind them that nobody is expected to know everything and that learning to ask for help is a strength.

How to Talk to Your Teen About Asking for Help

Start by sharing your own experiences. For example, “When I was in high school, I remember struggling with math until I asked my teacher for extra help. It made a big difference.” Use open-ended questions to invite conversation, such as:

• “What is the hardest part about this class or assignment for you?”
• “How do you feel when you get stuck on something?”
• “Are there times you wish you had someone to talk things through with?”

Discuss the many ways to seek help: talking to teachers, joining study groups, using school resources, or working with a tutor. Let your teen know that needing help is normal, and reassure them that everyone struggles at times. Reinforce that asking for help does not mean they are not smart—it shows courage and maturity.

Building Self-Advocacy Skills: Practical Steps for Parents

Encouraging your teen to develop self-advocacy skills supports their academic and emotional growth. Here are steps you can take at home:

1. Model help-seeking: Share times you have asked for help at work or in life, and describe the positive outcomes.
2. Role-play conversations: Practice what your teen might say to a teacher or counselor when they need support.
3. Normalize setbacks: Remind your child that everyone faces challenges and that setbacks are part of learning.
4. Connect with resources: Explore your school’s programs, peer tutoring, or self-advocacy resources from K12 Tutoring.

Remember, knowing when its time to ask for help is a skill that grows with practice. Celebrate small steps, such as sending an email to a teacher or attending office hours, to reinforce your teen’s progress.

Common Mistakes Parents Make (and How to Avoid Them)

• Rescuing too quickly: Jumping in to solve every problem can prevent your teen from developing independence.
• Minimizing struggles: Saying “it is not a big deal” may make your child feel unheard. Instead, acknowledge their feelings and offer support.
• Assuming independence means doing it alone: Even the most confident teens benefit from guidance and a listening ear.
• Overemphasizing grades: Focus on effort, growth, and learning, not just outcomes.

By avoiding these pitfalls and supporting your teen’s confidence habits, you can create an environment where asking for help is always an option.

High School and Knowing When to Ask for Help: A Grade-Specific Guide

Each high school year presents different opportunities and challenges. Here is how you can support your child at every step:

• Ninth grade: Encourage exploration of new resources and reinforce that nobody expects first-year students to know everything. Help them identify trusted adults at school.
• Tenth grade: As classes get tougher, remind your teen that knowing when its time to ask for help is a proactive strategy. Suggest forming study groups or using online resources.
• Eleventh grade: Balancing advanced coursework and extracurriculars can be stressful. Encourage your child to check in with teachers early and often, and review time management skills together. See our time management tips for more advice.
• Twelfth grade: The pressure of graduation, college, and future plans can make seniors hesitant to admit they need help. Remind your teen that even adults rely on support systems and that reaching out is a sign of readiness for the next stage.

Parent Question: How Can I Tell If My Teen Is Afraid to Ask for Help?

It is common for teens to worry about standing out or being judged. Signs your child may be afraid to ask for help include making excuses for poor performance, hiding grades, or insisting they “do not need anyone.” Some teens may become defensive or avoid eye contact when the topic of school comes up. Gentle, nonjudgmental conversations can help break down these barriers. Reassure your teen that you are proud of their effort, not just their achievements, and that help-seeking is a strength.

Coaching Tips: Encouraging Help-Seeking in High School Students

• Use positive language: Frame help-seeking as resourceful and mature.
• Set realistic expectations: Let your child know it is okay not to have all the answers.
• Practice together: Encourage your teen to draft an email or plan a meeting with a teacher.
• Check in regularly: Ask about school in a supportive, low-pressure way.
• Celebrate efforts: Recognize when your child reaches out, even for small things.

High school students asking for help may need reassurance that their concerns are valid and that you are there to support them every step of the way.

Tutoring Support

K12 Tutoring understands that every student’s journey is unique. Our experienced tutors are here to partner with families and provide caring, personalized support that empowers students to recognize challenges and build skills for success. We work alongside parents and teachers to help students gain confidence, independence, and the tools needed for lifelong learning.

Related Resources

• 8 Mental Health Tips for Parents – Connecticut Children’s
• Teaching Your Kids to Ask for Help – Playgarden Online
• My Child Is Struggling in School. How Can I Help?

Trust & Transparency Statement

Last reviewed: October 2025
This article was prepared by the K12 Tutoring education team, dedicated to helping students succeed with personalized learning support and expert guidance. K12 Tutoring content is reviewed periodically by education specialists to reflect current best practices and family feedback. Have ideas or success stories to share? Email us at [email protected].