How can I teach my high schooler to ask for help?

Key Takeaways

Audience Spotlight: Support Strategies for Struggling Learners

High school can be overwhelming, especially for struggling learners who may be unsure how or when to speak up for themselves. Many parents wonder how to teach high school students asking for help, especially when their child is hesitant, shy, or worried about standing out. If your high schooler has ever felt stuck but stayed silent, you are not alone. This guide offers practical tools and gentle encouragement to help your child build confidence and self-advocacy skills that will last a lifetime.

Definitions

Self-advocacy means speaking up for your own needs and seeking the resources or support required to succeed. Asking for help is a key part of self-advocacy, involving the ability to recognize challenges and reach out to others for assistance before a problem grows bigger.

Why High Schoolers Struggle to Ask for Help

Experts in child development note that adolescence is a time when students seek independence and may feel pressure to appear self-sufficient. While this is a natural part of growing up, it can make it hard to teach high school students asking for help. Many teens worry that asking questions will make them look incapable or different from their peers. Others may feel embarrassed, fear judgment, or simply not know how to start the conversation.

Many teachers and parents report that students who struggle in silence often fall further behind, leading to frustration, missed opportunities, and even lower self-esteem. Supporting your child in learning to ask for help is one of the most important life skills you can nurture during high school.

Recognizing When to Seek Support in School

One of the hardest parts for teens is knowing when to seek support in school. Encourage your child to pay attention to early warning signs—like confusion about an assignment, repeated low grades, or feeling persistently overwhelmed. Let your high schooler know that everyone needs extra help sometimes, and that reaching out is a sign of strength, not weakness.

• Remind your child that teachers, counselors, and tutors are there to help, not judge.
• Help your teen identify what situations make them feel stuck and brainstorm with them about who they could talk to.
• Normalize reaching out for help as something you value as a family, not just as a reaction to crisis.

How to Teach High School Students Asking for Help: Practical Strategies

Teaching your high schooler to ask for help is an ongoing process. Here are concrete steps and examples you can use at home:

1. Model Asking for Help at Home

Share examples from your own life when you needed support—maybe you asked a friend for advice, called on a colleague, or reached out to a neighbor. Describe how it felt and what you learned. When you show vulnerability and problem-solving, your child sees that even adults need help sometimes.

2. Role-Play Common Scenarios

Practice short conversations that your teen might have with a teacher, such as:

• “I am having trouble with this math concept. Can you explain it another way?”
• “Could I meet with you after class for some extra help?”
• “I am struggling to keep up with the reading. Do you have any tips?”

Role-playing lowers anxiety and builds comfort with the language of asking for help.

3. Break Down Barriers and Myths

Many teens believe that only “bad” students need help or that teachers will be annoyed if they ask questions. Gently challenge these beliefs. Remind your child that most teachers appreciate when students advocate for themselves. Share stories from your own school days or from siblings who have benefited from reaching out.

4. Encourage Small Steps First

If your child feels too anxious to speak up in class, suggest starting with a private email to the teacher or a note left after class. Small steps build confidence. Over time, your teen may feel ready to ask questions in front of peers.

5. Celebrate Efforts, Not Just Results

Praise your child whenever they make the effort to ask for help, regardless of the outcome. Recognize their bravery and growth. This positive reinforcement encourages them to keep building their self-advocacy skills.

Grade 9-12: Knowing When to Ask for Help in High School

The high school years are full of new academic and social pressures. Students must juggle harder coursework, extracurricular demands, and changing friendships. All of this makes it crucial to teach high school students asking for help as early as possible.

• Freshman and Sophomore Years: Encourage your child to check in with teachers if they are unsure about class expectations or feedback. Learning to ask for clarification early prevents bigger problems later on.
• Junior and Senior Years: As classes become more advanced, remind your teen that teachers expect students to need more support. This is also the time to connect with guidance counselors about college planning or stress management.

Throughout grades 9-12, help your child set a weekly “reflection time” to consider where they might need extra help, then support them in drafting a plan to reach out.

Common Mistakes and How to Support Your Child

• Waiting too long: Some students hope problems will disappear on their own. Encourage early action, even if it feels uncomfortable.
• Assuming teachers are too busy: Remind your child that educators want to help and have set aside time for extra support.
• Not being specific: Teach your teen to clearly explain what they are struggling with. “I do not get math” is less helpful than “I am stuck on quadratic equations.”

If you notice your child withdrawing or avoiding schoolwork, gently ask questions to help them identify what is holding them back. Offer to help them set up a meeting or draft an email to their teacher.

Building Self-Advocacy Skills for Life

Learning to ask for help builds more than just academic success. It strengthens resilience and independence, preparing your teen for college, work, and adult life. Emphasize that self-advocacy is a lifelong skill, and that everyone—even the most successful adults—needs support sometimes.

For more strategies on building self-advocacy skills in high school students, visit our Self advocacy resource page.

Parent Question: What if My Child Refuses to Ask for Help?

It is normal for some high schoolers to resist help, especially if they have had negative experiences in the past. If your child is reluctant, try these approaches:

• Ask open-ended questions like, “What would make it easier for you to talk to your teacher?”
• Validate their feelings and acknowledge that asking for help can feel scary.
• Offer to role-play or write practice emails together, reducing the pressure on them to perform perfectly.
• Let your child know you are proud of any effort they make, no matter how small.

Sometimes, students feel more comfortable reaching out to a tutor or counselor first. Explore a variety of support options until your teen finds what works best for them.

Additional Resources for Parents

If you are looking for more ways to teach high school students asking for help, explore these related topics:

• Building confidence in high schoolers
• Developing strong study habits
• Organizational skills for success

Tutoring Support

K12 Tutoring is here to empower your teen and your family. Our tutors are trained to help high schoolers develop self-advocacy, build confidence, and master the skill of asking for help in a supportive environment. We partner with parents to create a personalized plan that addresses your child’s unique needs and helps them thrive, both in and out of the classroom.

Further Reading

• 8 Interventions for Struggling Students
• 6 Tips for Helping Your Grade-Schooler Learn to Self-Advocate
• Responsiveness to Intervention and Learning Disabilities

Trust & Transparency Statement

Last reviewed: October 2025
This article was prepared by the K12 Tutoring education team, dedicated to helping students succeed with personalized learning support and expert guidance. K12 Tutoring content is reviewed periodically by education specialists to reflect current best practices and family feedback. Have ideas or success stories to share? Email us at [email protected].