Common struggles with asking for help in high school

Key Takeaways

Audience Spotlight: Neurodivergent Learners and the Challenge of Asking for Help

For many parents of neurodivergent high school students, everyday academic struggles can feel magnified. The common struggles with asking for help in high school are often even more pronounced for students with ADHD, autism, dyslexia, or anxiety. These learners may process information differently, feel overwhelmed by social cues, or worry about being misunderstood. Parents often notice that their child hesitates to raise their hand or approach a teacher, even when frustrated or confused. Understanding these unique barriers can help you, as a parent, provide the right support and encouragement so your child can access the help they need and deserve.

Definitions

Self-advocacy means recognizing your needs and speaking up to get the support or resources you require to be successful.

Help-seeking is the process of reaching out to others, such as teachers or peers, when you encounter challenges you cannot solve alone.

Understanding the Common Struggles with Asking for Help in High School

Your teen may face several emotional and practical hurdles when it comes to seeking help at school. The common struggles with asking for help in high school are not signs of weakness or laziness, but normal responses to a complex environment. High school brings academic pressures, busy schedules, social shifts, and more independence. For neurodivergent learners, these factors often intersect with unique challenges in communication, executive function, or self-esteem. Many teachers and parents report that students often wait too long to ask for help, miss opportunities for support, or worry about standing out. Experts in child development note that learning to seek help is a skill that must be taught and practiced, not assumed.

Emotional Barriers: Why It Feels Hard to Ask for Help

• Fear of embarrassment: Many teens worry that asking for help will make them look “dumb” in front of classmates. For neurodivergent students, past experiences of being misunderstood can make this fear stronger.
• Perfectionism and self-expectations: Some high schoolers believe they should figure things out on their own. They may see asking for help as a failure, especially if they have internalized high standards.
• Worry about burdening teachers: Your child may feel their teachers are too busy or will be annoyed by questions. Neurodivergent learners, who may struggle with social cues, might misread teachers’ willingness to help.
• Anxiety and past experiences: Previous negative interactions or anxiety about getting the words right can make students freeze up or avoid asking altogether.

Practical Barriers: When and How to Ask for Help

Beyond emotions, there are practical reasons students struggle with seeking support. The common struggles with asking for help in high school often include:

• Not knowing when help is needed: Your child may not recognize the early signs of confusion or falling behind. They may wait until the situation feels out of control.
• Difficulty expressing needs: Even when high school students ask for help, they may not know what to say or how to explain their struggles. Neurodivergent learners might find it hard to put their feelings into words.
• Unclear process: Some schools do not make it obvious how or when students can get extra help. If your child needs structured routines, this lack of clarity can be a major obstacle.
• Peer pressure: The desire to fit in can keep students from seeking help, especially if they believe classmates never ask questions.

Grade 9–12 Guide: Knowing When to Ask for Help

Recognizing when your teen needs help is key to their growth and independence. Here are signs your high schooler might benefit from support:

• Grades drop suddenly or assignments are repeatedly missed
• Your child spends excessive time on homework with little progress
• They express frustration, dread, or anxiety about certain classes
• They complain about not understanding material but avoid talking to teachers
• They seem disorganized or overwhelmed, especially during busy weeks

Encourage your child to view help-seeking as a strength, not a weakness. Remind them that everyone, even adults, needs support sometimes. Having regular check-ins at home can help your teen reflect on their needs and plan next steps.

Self-Advocacy Strategies for Parents and Teens

Developing self-advocacy is critical for high school success. Here are practical steps you can try together:

• Model help-seeking at home: Share examples of when you have asked for assistance in your own life, and how it helped you.
• Role-play scenarios: Practice with your child how to approach a teacher, counselor, or classmate. Use phrases like “I am having trouble with this topic, can you explain it another way?”
• Break down the process: Help your teen identify what kind of help they need (clarification, extra time, tutoring) and when to ask.
• Normalize mistakes: Remind your child that everyone learns differently and that making mistakes is part of growth.
• Use school resources: Encourage your teen to attend office hours, join study groups, or use online supports. Many schools have peer tutoring or resource centers.

For more ideas, see our self-advocacy resources.

Parent Question: How Can I Support My Teen Without Pushing Too Hard?

It is natural to want to step in when you see your child struggling. However, striking the right balance between support and independence is key. Try these approaches:

• Start with open-ended questions: “How did math go today?” or “What was tough about your English essay?”
• Offer encouragement rather than solutions: “It sounds like you worked really hard. Would it help to talk with your teacher together?”
• Respect their pace: Some teens need time to warm up to the idea of asking for help. Celebrate small steps.
• Collaborate with teachers: Reach out if you notice ongoing patterns, and ask how you can reinforce classroom strategies at home.

Remember, the goal is to build confidence so your child can eventually advocate for themselves without needing you to intervene every time.

Common Mistakes Parents Make (and How to Avoid Them)

• Assuming silence means understanding: Just because your teen is not complaining does not mean they are not struggling. Check in regularly and watch for subtle signs of stress.
• Intervening too soon: Resist the urge to solve problems immediately. Give your child space to try on their own, but let them know you are there if needed.
• Minimizing their feelings: Avoid phrases like “You will be fine” or “Just try harder.” Instead, validate their experience and explore solutions together.
• Not modeling vulnerability: Teens learn from your example. If you never admit when you need help, they may feel they should not either.

Building a Supportive Home Environment

Create a family culture where asking questions is safe and encouraged. Celebrate perseverance and resourcefulness, not just grades. If your child has an IEP or 504 plan, review accommodations together so they know their rights. Encourage your teen to keep a “help journal”—a space where they can jot down questions or worries to bring to teachers later. Over time, these habits will make it easier for your child to recognize and act on their needs.

Related Resources

• Responsiveness to Intervention and Learning Disabilities
• Self-Advocacy Education
• Self-Advocacy: Strategies for All Ages

Tutoring Support

If your teen continues to face common struggles with asking for help in high school, consider partnering with an experienced tutor. K12 Tutoring understands the unique challenges neurodivergent learners encounter. Our tutors are trained to foster self-advocacy, help teens articulate their needs, and build confidence step by step. With personalized support, your child can learn how to ask for help, use resources effectively, and approach challenges with resilience.

Trust & Transparency Statement

Last reviewed: October 2025
This article was prepared by the K12 Tutoring education team, dedicated to helping students succeed with personalized learning support and expert guidance. K12 Tutoring content is reviewed periodically by education specialists to reflect current best practices and family feedback. Have ideas or success stories to share? Email us at [email protected].