Common barriers to asking for help in school

Key Takeaways

Audience Spotlight: Neurodivergent Learners and Asking for Help

Neurodivergent learners, including children with ADHD, autism, learning differences, and sensory processing challenges, often experience unique hurdles related to self-advocacy. For many parents, it is common to notice their child hesitating or struggling to let teachers know when they need support. Recognizing the common barriers to asking for help in school is the first step toward building your child’s confidence and independence. By understanding your child’s perspective and specific needs, you can create a more supportive environment, both at home and in the classroom.

Definitions

Self-advocacy is the ability to recognize one’s own needs and confidently ask for support or resources. Barriers are obstacles—emotional, social, or practical—that make it harder for a child to ask for help when needed.

Understanding Common Barriers to Asking for Help in School

Every child can feel uncertain about speaking up, but neurodivergent learners often encounter additional challenges. Experts in child development note that these barriers can be emotional (like anxiety or fear of judgment), practical (such as not knowing how to ask), or social (worrying about peer reactions). Many parents and teachers report that even elementary students needing help may stay silent rather than risk feeling embarrassed or different. Let’s explore the most frequent obstacles families see at the elementary school level.

Why Does My Child Struggle to Ask for Help?

Parents often wonder why their child hesitates to seek support, even when they are clearly frustrated. The answer is rarely simple. The common barriers to asking for help in school include:

• Fear of standing out: Many neurodivergent students worry about looking different, especially in group settings or when routines are disrupted.
• Anxiety about bothering the teacher: Children may believe their questions are too small or that teachers are too busy to help.
• Uncertainty about what to say: Some students do not have the words to describe what is wrong or are unsure how to phrase a request for help.
• Previous negative experiences: If a child has been ignored, misunderstood, or discouraged in the past, they may be reluctant to try again.
• Sensory or communication differences: Sensory overload, language processing issues, or social challenges can make self-advocacy especially difficult.

By recognizing these common barriers to asking for help in school early, parents can validate their child’s feelings and begin building practical solutions.

Self-Advocacy Skills: Helping Your Child Know When to Ask

Self-advocacy does not come naturally to all children. For neurodivergent learners, the process of knowing when to ask for help can be confusing or overwhelming. Your child may not always realize when they are stuck, or they may interpret needing help as a personal failure. Reinforcing that asking questions is a sign of strength, not weakness, is key.

Try these strategies at home and in partnership with your child’s teacher:

• Model help-seeking behavior: Share examples from your own life. For instance, say, “I did not understand this recipe, so I asked a friend for advice.”
• Practice scripts: Role-play simple phrases like “Can you help me with this part?” or “I am not sure what to do next.” Even a short sentence can empower your child.
• Use visual cues: For younger children or nonverbal learners, create cards or signals to indicate when they need help.
• Celebrate small steps: Acknowledge every effort your child makes to speak up, even if it is just raising a hand or making eye contact.

Remember, developing self-advocacy is a gradual process. Encouragement and patience will help your child overcome the common barriers to asking for help in school over time.

Elementary School Guide: When and How to Ask for Help

Elementary students are just beginning to navigate social dynamics and classroom routines. For neurodivergent learners, knowing the right moment to ask for help can be especially tricky. Here are some practical tips for parents of elementary students needing help:

• Identify “stuck” moments together: Review homework or classwork and point out times when your child seemed unsure. Ask how they felt and what they might do next time.
• Teach “help signals”: Encourage your child to raise their hand, place a sticky note on their desk, or use a help card when they feel confused.
• Build routines: Set aside time each day to review what went well and which questions your child wanted to ask but did not.
• Work with teachers: Communicate with your child’s teacher about preferred signals and strategies. Many teachers welcome suggestions and can reinforce help-seeking behaviors.

Experts in education emphasize that early practice with self-advocacy makes a big difference as children move through school. For more ideas, you can explore our self-advocacy resources.

Common Mistakes Parents Make—and How to Avoid Them

• Assuming silence means understanding: Some children are quiet not because they grasp the material, but because they fear speaking up. Regularly check in with open-ended questions like, “What was tricky today?”
• Over-prompting or speaking for your child: While it is natural to want to help, stepping in too quickly can prevent your child from learning to advocate for themselves.
• Focusing only on academics: Emotional comfort and social acceptance are just as important in building self-advocacy. Celebrate progress in confidence, not just correct answers.

By understanding these pitfalls, parents can better support their child to overcome the common barriers to asking for help in school.

How Can I Encourage My Neurodivergent Child to Seek Help?

Many parents of neurodivergent children ask how to gently nudge their child toward seeking help without increasing stress or resistance. The key is to combine emotional support with concrete strategies:

• Validate feelings: Let your child know it is normal to feel nervous or shy about asking for help.
• Break down the process: Practice what to do before, during, and after asking. For example, “First, take a deep breath. Then say, ‘I am confused about this part.’ Afterward, notice how it feels.”
• Encourage positive teacher connections: Help your child get to know their teachers as approachable people. Share stories or attend open houses together.

Over time, even small successes will build your child’s belief that they can handle challenges and that asking for help is a valuable skill.

Tutoring Support

K12 Tutoring understands the unique needs of every learner, especially those who face common barriers to asking for help in school. Our tutors offer a supportive, judgment-free space for students to practice self-advocacy and build confidence. We work alongside families to develop personalized strategies that empower your child both academically and emotionally.

Related Resources

• 6 Tips for Helping Your Grade-Schooler Learn to Self-Advocate
• How Kids Can Overcome the Awkwardness of Asking for Help
• Parent Training and Information Centers – U.S. Department of Education

Trust & Transparency Statement

Last reviewed: October 2025
This article was prepared by the K12 Tutoring education team, dedicated to helping students succeed with personalized learning support and expert guidance. K12 Tutoring content is reviewed periodically by education specialists to reflect current best practices and family feedback. Have ideas or success stories to share? Email us at [email protected].