Avoiding focus pitfalls when asking for help

Key Takeaways

Audience Spotlight: Supporting Neurodivergent Learners in High School

Many parents of neurodivergent learners notice that challenges with focus, processing, and self-advocacy can make avoiding focus pitfalls when asking for help especially tough. For those with ADHD, autism, or anxiety, recognizing when to seek support is not always straightforward. Your child may hesitate, feel overwhelmed by options, or worry about being misunderstood. This is a normal part of the learning journey, not a failing. With the right guidance and patience, your child can grow their confidence and independence while learning to ask for help in ways that work for them.

Definitions

Focus pitfalls are obstacles that interfere with a student’s ability to pay attention to what they need in the moment. This can include distractions, stress, self-doubt, or uncertainty about the next steps.

Self-advocacy is the skill of recognizing your needs and communicating them clearly to others. In school, it means knowing when and how to ask for help.

Common Focus Pitfalls for High School Students Needing Help

High school comes with new academic demands, social pressures, and increased independence. For neurodivergent learners, these changes can intensify focus pitfalls. Avoiding focus pitfalls when asking for help is crucial, but many students fall into common traps:

• Waiting too long to speak up: Some students wait until they are overwhelmed before asking for help. This can lead to missed assignments, anxiety, and falling behind.
• Getting stuck in negative thinking: Your child may believe that needing help means they are not smart enough or that teachers will judge them.
• Becoming distracted by other worries: Stress about friendships, grades, or home life can make it hard to focus on what help is actually needed.
• Not knowing how to ask: Even when your child knows they need support, they may not know what words to use or who to approach.
• Confusing independence with isolation: Many high school students needing help hesitate because they want to be independent, not realizing that seeking help is part of being responsible.

Why Is Avoiding Focus Pitfalls When Asking for Help So Hard?

Experts in child development note that neurodivergent students often process information and emotions differently. For example, a student with ADHD may genuinely want to ask for help but lose their train of thought or forget once class ends. Many teachers and parents report that students with autism may struggle with the social cues involved in initiating a conversation. Anxiety can make even the idea of raising a hand feel overwhelming.

For parents, it can be challenging to know if your child is facing these focus pitfalls. Some signs include frequent frustration with homework, shutting down or avoiding certain topics, or making negative statements about their abilities. Remember, these are not signs of laziness or lack of motivation. They are signals that your child needs extra support and strategies.

Self-Advocacy: Building the Skill to Ask for Help

Self-advocacy is a powerful skill for all students, but especially important for neurodivergent learners. Knowing when to ask for help, and doing so without shame, sets the foundation for lifelong learning and self-confidence. Avoiding focus pitfalls when asking for help is part of this process.

• Practice with role-play: At home, practice common scenarios with your child. For example, “What would you say if you did not understand the homework instructions?”
• Break down the steps: Help your child identify the exact problem. Is it not understanding directions, losing focus during a lesson, or needing more time?
• Use scripts or prompts: Some students benefit from having a list of phrases ready, such as “Could you please explain that again?” or “I am having trouble focusing.”
• Encourage written requests: If speaking up is difficult, let your child know it is okay to email or write a note to a teacher.

By practicing these strategies, your child can get more comfortable avoiding focus pitfalls when asking for help and learn to advocate for themselves in a way that feels safe.

Grade 9-12 Guide: Knowing When to Ask for Help

High school students are expected to manage their own schedules, assignments, and interactions with teachers. For neurodivergent learners, this independence can be both exciting and overwhelming.

• Look for patterns: If your child is consistently stuck on the same types of assignments or subjects, it is a sign they may need more support.
• Check in after school: Open-ended questions like “What was the hardest part of your day?” or “Was there a time you wanted to ask for help but didn’t?” can spark important conversations.
• Encourage small steps: Remind your teen that asking for clarification is a normal part of learning, not a sign of weakness.
• Use school resources: Many high schools offer resource centers, peer tutors, or counseling services. Help your child find and use these supports.

Normalizing the process of avoiding focus pitfalls when asking for help gives your child permission to take charge of their learning. It also models resilience and problem-solving.

What Mistakes Should Parents Watch For?

• Assuming silence means everything is fine: Some students mask their struggles. Regular check-ins help you catch issues early.
• Rushing to solve problems for them: While it is tempting to step in, try coaching your child to identify what help they need and how to ask for it.
• Overemphasizing independence: Remind your child that real independence includes knowing when to reach out.
• Ignoring emotional barriers: Stress, shame, or fear of being different can block your child from seeking help. Validate these feelings and offer reassurance.

How Can I Help My Neurodivergent Teen Avoid Focus Pitfalls?

Many parents wonder, “How do I know if my child is struggling with focus or just being forgetful?” The answer is that all students face focus challenges at times, but neurodivergent learners may experience them more intensely.

• Normalize asking for help: Share your own stories about times you needed support.
• Set up routines: A consistent after-school check-in can make it easier for your child to share challenges.
• Connect with teachers: Partner with your child’s teachers to understand what supports are available and how your child can access them.
• Use visual reminders: Notes, calendars, or checklists can help your child remember when and how to seek help.

Remind your child that avoiding focus pitfalls when asking for help is a skill that improves with practice. Celebrate small successes along the way.

Practical Strategies and Tools for Parents

• Model self-advocacy: Use phrases like “I do not understand this, can you help me?” to show that asking for help is normal.
• Teach prioritization: Help your child identify which problems need immediate attention and which can wait.
• Reframe mistakes: Remind your child that everyone needs help sometimes and mistakes are opportunities to learn.
• Leverage school and outside supports: Encourage participation in study groups or use of academic coaching if available.

For more tips on building these habits, visit our Self advocacy resources page.

Tutoring Support

K12 Tutoring understands the unique challenges neurodivergent learners may face in high school. Our tutors are trained to support your child in avoiding focus pitfalls when asking for help, and to build self-advocacy skills in a warm, encouraging environment. We work alongside families to foster resilience, independence, and growth, so every student feels confident seeking the help they need.

Related Resources

• 5 Tips for Teaching Students How to Ask for Help
• Why Parents Need to Show Children How to Ask for Help – ISPCC
• 8 Mental Health Tips for Parents – Connecticut Children’s

Trust & Transparency Statement

Last reviewed: October 2025
This article was prepared by the K12 Tutoring education team, dedicated to helping students succeed with personalized learning support and expert guidance. K12 Tutoring content is reviewed periodically by education specialists to reflect current best practices and family feedback. Have ideas or success stories to share? Email us at [email protected].