Avoiding common help seeking mistakes for high school students

Key Takeaways

Audience Spotlight: Supporting Neurodivergent Learners

Many parents of neurodivergent high school students notice that asking for help can be especially challenging. Whether your child is navigating ADHD, autism spectrum disorder, or learning differences, help seeking is a skill that takes time and encouragement to develop. For some neurodivergent learners, sensory overwhelm, anxiety, or past negative experiences with asking for assistance can make it harder to reach out. Others may worry about being singled out or misunderstood. Remember, your child’s hesitancy or frustration around help seeking is not a failing—it is a normal part of their learning journey. With understanding, patience, and the right strategies, you can help your teen become a more confident self-advocate.

Definitions

Help seeking: The process of recognizing when you need support and reaching out to others—such as teachers, parents, or peers—for assistance.

Self-advocacy: The ability to speak up for your needs and rights in school, at home, and in the community.

Why Avoiding Common Help Seeking Mistakes for High School Students Matters

Many teachers and parents report that high school is a time when students are expected to be more independent, but support is still crucial. Avoiding common help seeking mistakes for high school students is essential, especially as coursework becomes more challenging and expectations rise. When students learn to ask for help appropriately, they not only improve academically but also gain important life skills like resilience and problem solving.

Experts in child development note that effective help seeking is linked to stronger self-advocacy and academic success. For neurodivergent learners, who may already face challenges with executive function or communication, learning the right strategies to avoid common pitfalls can make a significant difference.

Common Mistakes High School Students Make When Seeking Help

• Waiting Too Long: Many teens, especially those who are neurodivergent, wait until they feel overwhelmed or behind before asking for help. This can lead to increased stress and make problems feel unmanageable.
• Not Knowing Whom to Ask: Some students are unsure whether to approach a teacher, counselor, peer, or parent. Uncertainty can delay or prevent reaching out at all.
• Feeling Embarrassed or Ashamed: Worrying about what others will think can keep students silent, especially if they have had negative experiences in the past.
• Not Being Specific: Asking for “help” in general terms can make it hard for others to provide the right support. Clear, specific questions lead to better results.
• Assuming Help Means Failure: Some students believe that needing help is a sign of weakness or that they should handle everything independently.
• Giving Up After One Try: If a first attempt at getting help is not successful, some students may stop trying, missing out on future opportunities for support.

Knowing When to Ask for Help: A Parent’s Guide

Recognizing when to ask for help is a skill that takes practice. You can support your teen by talking about situations when seeking assistance is appropriate—for example, when they do not understand an assignment, miss a deadline due to illness, or feel anxious about a test. Encourage your child to notice their own warning signs, such as frustration, confusion, or repeated mistakes. Remind them that it is normal to need support and that asking for help is a responsible, mature action.

Grade 9-12 Self-Advocacy: Empowering Your Teen to Speak Up

High school students, especially those who are neurodivergent, benefit from explicit coaching on self-advocacy. Practice scenarios at home, such as role-playing how to email a teacher or approach a counselor. Teach your teen how to prepare what they want to say and to be specific about what is challenging. For example: “I am having trouble organizing my notes for history class. Can you help me find a better way?” Encourage them to reflect on what type of help works best for them—one-on-one meetings, written instructions, or visual aids.

If your child has an IEP or 504 plan, review it together and discuss how to use these supports. Remind your teen that asking for help is part of advocating for their learning needs, not something to hide or feel embarrassed about.

Parent Question: How Can I Encourage My Child to Seek Help Without Pushing Too Hard?

Many parents worry about striking the right balance between encouraging independence and offering support. Start by normalizing the idea that everyone—adults included—needs help sometimes. Share stories of your own experiences or point out times when family members collaborated to solve a problem. Instead of stepping in immediately, ask open-ended questions like, “What would make this easier for you?” or “Who could you talk to about this?”

Offer to brainstorm solutions together, but let your teen take the lead in choosing whom to approach and how. If they resist, avoid criticism and keep the conversation supportive. Over time, repeated gentle encouragement helps your child gain confidence in their ability to advocate for themselves.

Mini-Scenarios: Overcoming Barriers to Asking for Help

• Scenario 1: Jamie, a sophomore with dyslexia, struggles with reading assignments but hesitates to ask their teacher for extra time. After practicing with a parent how to phrase the request, Jamie feels more comfortable emailing the teacher and receives the needed extension.
• Scenario 2: Mia, who is on the autism spectrum, gets overwhelmed in group projects but is unsure how to communicate this. With encouragement, Mia and her parent work together to draft a message for the teacher requesting a quieter workspace.
• Scenario 3: Alex, who has ADHD, forgets to turn in homework and fears being seen as irresponsible. Parents and Alex use a checklist to keep track of assignments and role-play how to ask the teacher for a reminder system.

Practical Tips for Parents: Teaching Your Child to Avoid Common Help Seeking Mistakes

• Model help seeking at home. Share when you ask for advice or collaborate to solve a problem.
• Practice self-advocacy scenarios. Role-play or script difficult conversations so your child feels prepared.
• Celebrate small wins. Acknowledge every time your teen asks for help, even if the outcome is not perfect.
• Connect with teachers and counselors. Build a team approach so your child knows there are multiple sources of support.
• Remind your child that learning how to ask for help is a process. Mistakes are normal and part of growing independence.

For more strategies on supporting self-advocacy, visit our resources on self advocacy.

Self-Advocacy Skills: What to Watch For

As your teen becomes more comfortable with help seeking, you may notice increased independence and less frustration with schoolwork. Celebrate progress, but also keep an eye out for signs that they may still need support—such as avoiding certain classes, withdrawing from group work, or expressing negative self-talk. Encourage ongoing communication with teachers and remind your child that resources are available, no matter how old they get.

Related Resources

• Help-Seeking in an Academic Context: A Systematic Review
• Parents Guide to Problem Behavior – Child Mind Institute (PDF)
• Resources for Parents — AACAP

Tutoring Support

At K12 Tutoring, we understand that avoiding common help seeking mistakes for high school students can be especially important for neurodivergent learners. Our team partners with families to build strategies that boost self-advocacy, academic resilience, and confidence. Whether your child is just learning when to ask for help or needs support navigating complex challenges, we are here to help every step of the way.

Trust & Transparency Statement

Last reviewed: October 2025
This article was prepared by the K12 Tutoring education team, dedicated to helping students succeed with personalized learning support and expert guidance. K12 Tutoring content is reviewed periodically by education specialists to reflect current best practices and family feedback. Have ideas or success stories to share? Email us at [email protected].