How can I guide my high schooler to speak up with teachers?

Key Takeaways

Audience Spotlight: Supporting Struggling Learners in High School

Many parents of struggling learners worry about how to encourage their teens to communicate openly with teachers. If your child hesitates to ask questions in class, avoids talking to teachers about assignments, or feels nervous about advocating for their needs, you are not alone. High school can feel overwhelming, and speaking up can be especially difficult for students who have faced academic setbacks, learning challenges, or social anxiety. By normalizing these struggles and offering practical support, you can help your high schooler grow into a more confident and independent learner.

Definitions

Self-advocacy means recognizing your needs and communicating them clearly to others, such as teachers or counselors, to get the support you require.

Academic self-advocacy involves speaking up in educational settings to ask for clarification, accommodations, or additional help when needed.

Common Mistakes Parents Make When Helping High School Students Speak Up with Teachers

Helping high school students speak up with teachers is a process that can sometimes feel frustrating for both parents and teens. It is common to see well-intentioned support accidentally backfire, leading to more hesitation or anxiety. Here are some of the most frequent pitfalls:

• Speaking for your child too often: Many parents take over conversations with teachers, especially if their teen is shy or anxious. While this may solve problems quickly, it can unintentionally send the message that your child cannot handle difficult discussions alone.
• Assuming teachers will always notice: Teachers are balancing many students and may not know if your child is struggling unless your child communicates directly. Relying solely on teachers to catch issues can mean missed opportunities for support.
• Not addressing emotional barriers: For many students, the biggest challenge is not what to say but how they feel. Fear of embarrassment, rejection, or being seen as “difficult” can stop teens from reaching out. Ignoring these feelings can make the process harder.
• Focusing only on outcomes: Parents sometimes emphasize getting a specific answer or result from the teacher, rather than valuing the process of learning to speak up. This can create extra pressure for students.
• Giving unclear advice: Telling a teen to “just ask for help” or “talk to your teacher” without concrete examples or scripts can leave them feeling lost.

Why Is Speaking Up with Teachers So Challenging for High Schoolers?

Experts in child development note that adolescence is a time of increased self-consciousness and sensitivity to social dynamics. High school students might worry about being judged by peers or teachers, or feel unsure about the “right” way to communicate. Many teachers and parents report that even academically capable teens can freeze up when it is time to approach a teacher, especially about topics like grades, missing work, or personal struggles.

For struggling learners, these worries can be magnified. They may fear negative reactions, worry about being labeled, or feel like they are the only ones needing help. Understanding these barriers is the first step toward helping high school students speak up with teachers in a way that builds confidence and trust.

Grade 9–12 Guide: Communicating with Teachers in High School

Starting in ninth grade, students are expected to be more independent and proactive in their learning. This includes managing deadlines, seeking clarification, and advocating for themselves. However, many teens need guidance and support to do this effectively. Here is how you can help your struggling learner move forward:

• Normalize the experience: Share stories (real or imagined) about times when you or others needed to ask for help. Remind your child that teachers expect questions and appreciate students who reach out.
• Practice together: Role-play different scenarios at home. For example, “What would you say if you needed more time on an assignment?” or “How could you ask about a test grade?” Practicing language can ease anxiety.
• Write it out: Encourage your child to draft emails or notes to teachers before sending them. Review together, focusing on respectful, clear communication.
• Set small goals: Start with easier interactions, like saying hello after class or asking a simple question. Celebrate every step, no matter how small.
• Model positive self-talk: Teach your teen to reframe negative thoughts like “I will sound stupid” into “It is okay to ask for help—everyone needs it sometimes.”

Self-Advocacy Skills: How to Guide Teens to Self Advocate with Teachers

Learning to communicate with authority figures is an essential life skill. To guide teens to self advocate, focus on helping them identify their needs, choose appropriate ways to express them, and reflect on what works. Encourage your child to:

• Prepare their questions or concerns in advance, either in writing or mentally.
• Choose a good time to approach the teacher, such as before or after class, during office hours, or via email.
• Use “I” statements to share their feelings and needs. For example, “I am having trouble understanding this topic and would like some extra help.”
• Listen actively to the teacher’s response and ask follow-up questions if needed.
• Thank the teacher for their time and support, building a positive relationship for future interactions.

Parent Question: What Should I Do If My Teen Refuses to Speak Up?

It is common for high school students to resist talking to teachers, especially if past experiences have been negative. If your child flat-out refuses or becomes upset at the idea, try these steps:

• Validate their feelings: Say, “I know this feels hard. Many students feel worried about asking for help.”
• Identify the barrier: Ask, “What is the hardest part about talking to your teacher?” Listen without judgment.
• Offer choices: “Would it feel easier to write an email, or talk in person?” Giving your teen some control can reduce anxiety.
• Involve school support: If your child has an IEP or 504 Plan, ask the case manager for ideas. School counselors can also help facilitate positive communication.
• Consider peer support: Sometimes, hearing from classmates who have successfully asked for help can be motivating.

Remember, progress can be slow. Celebrate small wins and keep encouraging your child to try again.

Common Scenarios: How Helping High School Students Speak Up with Teachers Looks in Real Life

• Missed assignments: Your child is missing homework and is afraid of being scolded. Role-play how to approach the teacher: “I am sorry I missed the assignment. Can I have another chance to turn it in?”
• Confusion about a lesson: Your teen is lost in math class but does not want to look “dumb.” Practice asking, “Could you please explain this step again?” or “Can we go over this after class?”
• Needing accommodations: If your child has ADHD or another learning difference, they might need extra time or support. Help them draft an email: “I wanted to let you know I sometimes need more time because of my IEP. How can I let you know if I am struggling?”

Building Resilience and Independence Through Communication

Helping high school students speak up with teachers is about more than just solving academic problems. It builds self-trust, resilience, and a sense of agency that will last throughout life. As your child practices self-advocacy, they will learn that mistakes and setbacks are part of the process. Your support, encouragement, and patience make a huge difference.

For more tips and skill-building ideas, visit our resources on self-advocacy or explore our full skills library.

Tutoring Support

K12 Tutoring provides guidance and practice for skills like helping high school students speak up with teachers. Our tutors work with students to build communication strategies, confidence, and independence, always respecting each learner’s starting point and unique needs. If your family could use extra support with self-advocacy or other academic skills, we are here to help—without judgment or pressure.

Related Resources

• How to Talk to Teachers When You Have Concerns – Prodigy Blog
• Discussing a Problem with Your Child’s School
• 6 Tips for Helping Your High-Schooler Learn to Self-Advocate

Trust & Transparency Statement

Last reviewed: October 2025
This article was prepared by the K12 Tutoring education team, dedicated to helping students succeed with personalized learning support and expert guidance. K12 Tutoring content is reviewed periodically by education specialists to reflect current best practices and family feedback. Have ideas or success stories to share? Email us at [email protected].