Common mistakes when talking with teachers about goals

Key Takeaways

Audience Spotlight: Supporting Neurodivergent Learners at Home

For parents of neurodivergent learners, discussing goals with teachers can feel especially complex. Children with ADHD, autism, dyslexia, or other learning differences often have unique needs and communication styles. Many parents worry that their child’s strengths, challenges, and individual progress might not be fully understood in school conversations. Normalizing these concerns is important: many parents of neurodivergent children report feeling anxious about how to advocate for their child’s goals, or how to ensure their voices are heard in a classroom setting. You are not alone, and there are practical steps you can take to foster more productive, supportive conversations with teachers—starting with understanding the common mistakes when talking with teachers about goals.

Definitions

Neurodivergent: Describes individuals whose brains process information differently, including those with ADHD, autism, dyslexia, and other learning differences.

Goal-setting: The process of identifying specific, measurable objectives for a student’s academic, social, or personal growth.

Why Conversations About Goals Matter

When parents and teachers talk about learning goals, they are laying the foundation for a child’s growth and independence. For neurodivergent learners, these discussions help ensure that supports, accommodations, and strengths-based approaches are in place. Experts in child development note that regular, open communication between families and educators improves student outcomes, confidence, and motivation—especially when everyone works toward shared, realistic goals. Yet, even well-intentioned parents may fall into patterns that make these conversations less effective, especially when emotions are high and advocacy feels urgent.

Common Mistakes When Talking With Teachers About Goals

Many families—especially those supporting neurodivergent learners in a homeschool setting—find themselves making similar missteps when meeting with teachers or tutors. Recognizing the common mistakes when talking with teachers about goals is the first step to building more effective, collaborative relationships. Here are some of the pitfalls to watch for:

• Focusing Only on Challenges: It is natural to want to address your child’s struggles, but if the conversation centers just on what is difficult, teachers may miss your child’s unique strengths and interests. This can lead to goals that feel discouraging instead of motivating.
• Using Vague Language: General statements like “I want my child to do better” or “He needs to focus more” do not provide actionable information. Teachers respond best to clear, specific examples and requests—such as “My child works well with checklists” or “She is more comfortable sharing ideas in writing.”
• Not Asking for the Teacher’s Input: Conversations about goals work best when parents and teachers collaborate. Forgetting to ask, “What have you noticed in class?” or “How do you think we could support this goal together?” can make the teacher feel excluded, and may lead to less buy-in for your child’s plan.
• Letting Emotions Take Over: Advocacy can be emotional, especially if you feel your child’s needs are being overlooked. However, frustration or defensiveness can create barriers. Take a moment to breathe and remind yourself that the teacher is your partner, not your adversary.
• Ignoring Your Child’s Voice: Older children, especially those in middle and high school, benefit from having their own goals and perspectives included in the conversation. Many parents notice that when their child helps set the agenda, they are more motivated and invested in their progress.

These common mistakes when talking with teachers about goals often arise from a place of care. Remember, it is normal to feel nervous or unsure at times. By noticing these patterns, you are already taking an important step toward more productive dialogue.

Self-Advocacy and Communicating With Teachers: What Works?

Self-advocacy is a vital skill for neurodivergent learners—and for their families. Communicating with teachers about your child’s school goals gives you a powerful opportunity to model and teach this skill. Many teachers and parents report that when families approach meetings as collaborative problem-solvers, the results are more positive for everyone involved.

• Prepare Together: Before any meeting, sit down with your child and talk about what is working for them, what feels hard, and how they would like to be supported. Even young children can identify what helps them feel successful.
• Write Down Questions and Examples: Bring a short list of your questions and observations. For example, “What strategies have helped students with similar needs?” or “Can we try using visuals to support reading assignments?”
• Share Strengths as Well as Needs: Let the teacher know about your child’s interests, hobbies, and positive qualities. This helps the conversation stay strengths-based and solutions-focused.
• Invite the Teacher’s Perspective: Ask open-ended questions like, “What have you noticed about my child’s engagement?” or “How do you support students who need extra breaks?”
• Clarify, Summarize, and Follow Up: At the end of your conversation, repeat what you heard and what the next steps are. For example, “We agreed to try a daily planner and check in again next month.”

These strategies can help you avoid the common mistakes when talking with teachers about goals, and move conversations toward practical action.

Grade Band Focus: Homeschooling and Communicating With Teachers

Homeschooling offers flexibility, but it can also mean navigating more individualized conversations with teachers, tutors, or online instructors. For neurodivergent learners, the stakes can feel even higher. Here are some ways parents can adapt their approach at different grade levels:

• Elementary (K-5): Focus on building a positive relationship with teachers. Share specific examples of when your child felt proud or excited to learn. For example, “She loves building things and is eager to show you her projects.” Avoid the common mistakes when talking with teachers about goals by emphasizing curiosity and growth, not just performance.
• Middle School (6-8): Encourage your child to join goal-setting conversations. Ask them what they want to accomplish or what would help them feel more comfortable in class. Teachers appreciate hearing directly from students, and it models self-advocacy.
• High School (9-12): Support your teen in preparing for meetings with teachers. Help them draft emails or talking points. Remind them that it is okay to ask for clarification or more time if needed. Avoid the mistake of speaking for your child exclusively—they gain confidence when their voice leads the discussion.

No matter the grade, keep in mind that teachers want to help, but may not know your child as well as you do. Your insights are valuable. For more on supporting self-advocacy, visit our self advocacy resource.

Parent Question: How Do I Discuss School Goals Without Feeling Overwhelmed?

It is common to feel overwhelmed by meetings or emails about goals, especially when you are balancing many responsibilities. Here are a few ideas to keep these conversations manageable and positive:

• Set an Agenda: Ask for a meeting agenda in advance, or suggest one. This helps everyone stay on topic.
• Bring a Support Person: If you feel anxious, invite another family member or advocate to join you. Sometimes, just having someone else there can ease stress.
• Use Notes: Write down your key concerns and desired outcomes. Do not be afraid to refer to your notes during the conversation.
• Practice Self-Compassion: Remind yourself that making mistakes is part of learning. Each conversation is a chance to improve your approach.

Remember, the goal is progress, not perfection. By preparing and approaching teachers as partners, you will avoid the most common mistakes when talking with teachers about goals and create a supportive environment for your child to thrive.

Expert and Teacher Insights: Building a Foundation for Growth

Experts in child development emphasize that communication is a two-way street. When parents are open to feedback and flexible about solutions, teachers are more likely to share creative ideas and personalized strategies. Many teachers have found that when parents focus on concrete examples and a growth mindset, students make steady progress toward their goals—even if setbacks occur along the way.

Above all, remember that you are your child’s strongest advocate. Asking questions, sharing observations, and building relationships with educators will help your child succeed in and out of the classroom. For more ideas on how to discuss school goals, check out our goal setting resource and other supports in our skills directory.

Tutoring Support

K12 Tutoring is here to partner with your family and help you navigate conversations about learning goals with confidence. Our tutors understand the unique needs of neurodivergent learners and can support you in building communication skills, fostering self-advocacy, and setting meaningful goals for your child’s growth and independence.

Related Resources

• Smart Ways to Handle Teacher Troubles – Parents.com
• 7 Things to Tell the Teacher About Your Child
• What is Self-Advocacy?

Trust & Transparency Statement

Last reviewed: October 2025
This article was prepared by the K12 Tutoring education team, dedicated to helping students succeed with personalized learning support and expert guidance. K12 Tutoring content is reviewed periodically by education specialists to reflect current best practices and family feedback. Have ideas or success stories to share? Email us at [email protected].