How can I use praise to motivate my child?

Key Takeaways

Audience Spotlight: Supporting Neurodivergent Learners with Praise

Parenting a neurodivergent elementary student often brings unique joys and challenges. You may notice that what works for one child does not always work for another. Many parents of neurodivergent learners feel unsure about the best way to encourage effort and celebrate progress. If you are wondering how using praise to motivate neurodivergent elementary students can help your child grow, you are not alone. Neurodivergent children, such as those with ADHD, autism spectrum disorder, or learning differences, sometimes respond differently to praise than their neurotypical peers. The good news is that effective praise can be a powerful tool for nurturing their confidence and engagement, especially when tailored to individual strengths and needs.

Definitions

Positive reinforcement is a strategy where desirable behaviors are encouraged by rewarding them, making the behavior more likely to happen again in the future.

Neurodivergent learners refers to children who think, learn, or process information differently, such as those with ADHD, autism spectrum disorder, or dyslexia.

Common Mistakes Parents Make When Using Praise with Neurodivergent Elementary Students

Many teachers and parents report that praise can truly motivate children, but only when used thoughtfully. Experts in child development note that neurodivergent learners may not always respond to praise in the same way as their peers. Below are common mistakes families make while using praise to motivate neurodivergent elementary students, along with practical suggestions to help you avoid these pitfalls.

Mistake 1: Using Vague Praise

“Good job!” or “You are so smart!” may sound encouraging, but for neurodivergent learners, these phrases can be unclear or even confusing. Specificity matters. Children thrive when they know exactly what behavior is being recognized. For example, instead of saying, “Great work,” consider, “I love how you took your time organizing your backpack today.” This shows your child which actions are appreciated and encourages them to repeat those behaviors in the future.

Mistake 2: Praising Only Outcomes, Not Effort

It is easy to focus on the “A” on a spelling test or a perfect score on a math worksheet. However, for neurodivergent children, the process may be just as important as the outcome. Praising effort—such as sticking with a tough reading assignment or asking for help when frustrated—builds confidence and resilience. Try saying, “You kept working even though the problem was hard. I am proud of your persistence.” This reinforces that learning and trying matter more than perfection.

Mistake 3: Overpraising or Using Praise to Manage Behavior

While praise is powerful, using it too often or only to redirect misbehavior can make it lose its effect. Neurodivergent elementary students may become overwhelmed or even suspicious if they sense praise is being used mainly to control their actions. Instead, offer praise when it is truly deserved and make sure it feels genuine. For example, avoid saying, “You are always so quiet,” if your child struggles with self-regulation. Instead, notice moments when they show self-control and comment specifically on what you observed.

Mistake 4: Ignoring Sensory or Social Differences

Some neurodivergent learners may not enjoy public praise or may be sensitive to tone of voice, touch, or attention. A child with autism spectrum disorder, for example, might prefer a written note over verbal praise in front of a group. Pay attention to your child’s reactions and ask them how they like to be recognized. Adapting your approach shows respect for their preferences and helps praise feel supportive rather than stressful.

Confidence Building Through Positive Reinforcement Strategies

Building confidence is a journey, especially for neurodivergent learners who may face extra hurdles. Positive reinforcement strategies, when tailored to your child’s needs, can help children feel valued, seen, and motivated to keep trying. Using praise to motivate neurodivergent elementary students is most effective when you focus on effort, progress, and strategies rather than just results.

How Can Parents Use Praise as a Confidence-Building Tool?

• Notice small wins: Even minor improvements deserve recognition. Did your child remember to bring home their homework folder? That is worth noticing.
• Encourage self-advocacy: Praise your child when they ask for help, use coping strategies, or express their feelings. For example, “I am glad you told me you needed a break.”
• Celebrate growth over time: Compare your child’s progress to their own past performance, not to other children. This helps them focus on their own learning journey.

When using praise to motivate neurodivergent elementary students, it is helpful to let your child know exactly what you value in their actions. This builds a sense of ownership and supports the development of independence and self-confidence.

Elementary School Praise Strategies for Neurodivergent Learners

Every child is unique, and this is especially true for neurodivergent elementary students. Here are some grade-appropriate, practical ways to use praise effectively in daily routines:

• For younger students (K-2): Use short, concrete statements. “You put your crayons away so carefully.” Pair words with a smile or a high-five if your child enjoys physical touch.
• For older students (3-5): Give more detailed feedback. “I see you tried three different ways to solve that math problem before asking for help. That was creative thinking.” Written notes, stickers, or special time together can also be powerful forms of praise.
• Visual supports: Some children respond well to sticker charts or visual reminders of progress. Make sure these tools celebrate effort as well as achievement.
• Routine recognition: Make praise part of your daily check-in. For example, review the day together and highlight one thing your child did well, no matter how small.

Remember, using praise to motivate neurodivergent elementary students is not about being perfect as a parent. It is about making small, meaningful changes that fit your child’s personality and needs.

What If My Child Does Not Respond to Praise? Parent Q&A

It is common to worry if your child seems unmotivated by praise. Here are some questions parents often ask, along with ideas to try:

• Q: My child shrugs off praise or seems embarrassed. What should I do?
  A: Some neurodivergent learners feel uncomfortable with direct attention. Try quieter forms of recognition, like a note slipped into their lunchbox or a gentle thumbs-up. Over time, notice which forms of praise feel safe and comfortable for your child.
• Q: My child only wants rewards, not verbal praise. Is that okay?
  A: Tangible rewards can be motivating, but the goal is to build intrinsic motivation. Pair rewards with specific praise to help your child connect positive feelings to their own effort. Gradually shift the focus from rewards to the satisfaction of doing their best.
• Q: I worry about praising the wrong things. How can I avoid this?
  A: Focus on actions and choices, not fixed traits. Instead of, “You are so smart,” try, “You worked hard on your science project, and it showed in your results.”

Using praise to motivate neurodivergent elementary students often requires patience and a willingness to adjust your approach as your child grows. Remember, you know your child best. Trust your instincts, and keep communication open.

Expert Insights: What Research and Experience Show

Experts in child development note that praise is most effective when it is authentic, targeted, and timed well. Overgeneralized praise can sometimes lead children to doubt themselves, while specific feedback helps them understand what they did right. Research supports that neurodivergent children especially benefit from praise that is consistent, concrete, and matched to their communication style.

Many teachers and parents report that when they shift from general praise to naming specific actions, children become more confident and motivated. For example, saying, “You remembered to use your checklist before packing up,” gives a child with ADHD a clear sense of accomplishment and encourages the use of helpful routines. For more resources on building confidence, visit our confidence building page.

Tips for Avoiding Common Pitfalls When Using Praise

• Be consistent but not excessive: Praise regularly, but do not feel you must comment on every action. Children notice when praise is meaningful.
• Avoid comparisons: Focus on your child’s individual growth, not how they measure up to siblings or classmates.
• Respect boundaries: If your child dislikes public praise, find private or creative ways to show your appreciation.
• Ask for feedback: Invite your child to share what kinds of praise feel good or helpful to them.

By being mindful of these common mistakes, you can use praise as a practical tool for supporting the social-emotional growth of neurodivergent learners.

Praise Strategies for Children: What Works Best?

When it comes to praise strategies for children, remember that every child’s brain is wired differently. For neurodivergent elementary students, flexibility and empathy go a long way. Some children thrive on verbal encouragement, while others prefer nonverbal cues or small rewards. Take note of what makes your child light up, and be open to experimenting with new approaches as they grow.

Related Resources

• Using Praise to Enhance Student Resilience and Learning – American Psychological Association
• How to Use Praise to Encourage Good Behaviors in Children – HealthyChildren.org
• The Right Kind of Praise Can Spur Student Growth – Edutopia

Tutoring Support

K12 Tutoring understands the unique needs of neurodivergent learners and their families. Our tutors are trained to use positive reinforcement and adapt praise to each child’s learning style. If you are looking for more ideas or one-on-one support to help your child thrive, our team is here to partner with you every step of the way.

Trust & Transparency Statement

Last reviewed: October 2025
This article was prepared by the K12 Tutoring education team, dedicated to helping students succeed with personalized learning support and expert guidance. K12 Tutoring content is reviewed periodically by education specialists to reflect current best practices and family feedback. Have ideas or success stories to share? Email us at [email protected].