How can I remove emotional blocks to goal setting?

Key Takeaways

Audience Spotlight: Supporting Neurodivergent Learners with Emotional Barriers

For parents of neurodivergent high school students, it is normal to notice that your child faces unique emotional blocks when it comes to setting and achieving goals. Whether your child has ADHD, autism spectrum disorder, anxiety, or other learning differences, you may see hesitation, frustration, or even fear around goal setting. Many parents report their teens want to succeed but feel overwhelmed by past setbacks or worry about making mistakes. Understanding these emotional blocks is the first step to helping your child grow into a confident, independent learner.

Definitions

Emotional blocks are feelings or beliefs that make it hard for someone to take action, even when they know what they want to do. These can include anxiety, low confidence, perfectionism, or fear of failure.

Goal setting is the process of choosing something to work toward, making a plan, and taking steps to achieve it. SMART goals are Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound.

Why Does My Child Struggle to Set Goals?

Many parents of high school students, especially those who are neurodivergent, find themselves asking: Why does my child avoid setting goals, even when they seem motivated? Experts in child development note that emotional blocks often play a bigger role than skill or intelligence. Your child might remember a time when a plan did not work out, worry about disappointing others, or feel unsure about what is possible for them.

Some common signs of emotional barriers in neurodivergent learners include:

• Difficulty starting or finishing assignments, even with reminders
• Negative self-talk (“I always mess up” or “I am not good at this”)
• Procrastination or avoidance, especially with long-term projects
• Feeling overwhelmed by choices or decisions

These struggles are not a sign of laziness or lack of effort. Instead, they often signal internal barriers your child may not know how to express.

SMART Goals for Students: A Foundation for Success

SMART goals give high school students clear steps and milestones, making achievements feel more realistic and less intimidating. For neurodivergent learners, the structure of SMART goals can help reduce anxiety and uncertainty, but emotional blocks may still get in the way. That is why it is so important to remove emotional blocks to goal setting before expecting progress with SMART goals.

Example: Instead of “Get better at math,” a SMART goal could be “Improve my Algebra II grade from a C to a B by the end of the semester by completing all homework assignments and meeting with my teacher once a week.”

Common Emotional Barriers to Goal Setting in High School

Understanding and naming emotional barriers helps parents and students take the first step toward change. Here are some of the most frequent emotional blocks high schoolers face:

• Fear of failure: Worrying that mistakes will confirm negative beliefs about themselves.
• Perfectionism: Feeling like anything less than perfect is not good enough, so it is safer not to try.
• Low self-esteem: Doubting their ability to succeed or comparing themselves to others.
• Overwhelm: Feeling that the goal is too big or complicated to even start.
• Negative past experiences: Remembering previous setbacks and fearing they will happen again.

Many teachers and parents report that these emotional barriers can be even stronger for neurodivergent learners, who may have faced more challenges in traditional school settings.

How to Remove Emotional Blocks to Goal Setting: Steps for Parents

To remove emotional blocks to goal setting, start by recognizing that these feelings are real and valid. The following steps offer practical ways to support your child:

1. Start with empathy: Let your child know it is normal to feel nervous or unsure about setting goals. Share times when you struggled too. For neurodivergent students, simply naming the feeling (“It sounds like you are worried about not doing it perfectly”) can be a relief.
2. Break goals into small steps: Help your child choose one tiny action that feels doable. Instead of “finish all assignments,” try “write the first sentence of the essay.” Success with small steps builds confidence and chips away at emotional barriers.
3. Model self-compassion: Remind your child that making mistakes or needing help is part of learning, not a sign of failure. Talk openly about your own learning process.
4. Practice positive self-talk: Work together to replace negative thoughts (“I always fail”) with realistic, encouraging ones (“I can try again” or “Everyone learns at their own pace”).
5. Celebrate effort, not just outcomes: Notice and praise your child’s persistence and willingness to try, even if the result is not perfect. This helps reframe goal setting as a growth experience.
6. Encourage flexible thinking: Help your child see that there are many ways to reach a goal. For neurodivergent students, this might mean exploring alternative strategies, using supports, or adjusting the goal itself.

Remember, your role as a parent is not to fix every problem, but to support your child as they learn to navigate their emotions and choices.

Overcoming Barriers for High School Students: What Works Best?

When it comes to overcoming barriers for high school students, research shows that supportive relationships, clear routines, and open conversations are key. Many students benefit from regular check-ins, visual reminders, and written plans. For neurodivergent learners, accommodations such as extra time, organizational tools, or regular feedback can make goal setting less stressful.

Consider working with your child’s school team to develop strategies that match their needs. If your child has an IEP or 504 plan, review it together to see how it supports goal setting and emotional well-being. Encourage your child to self-advocate by sharing what helps them stay motivated and engaged.

For more ideas, visit our Goal Setting resources page, or explore tips about executive function and confidence building for high school students.

Grade 9–12: How Can Parents Foster SMART Goals for Neurodivergent Teens?

High school is a time of growing independence, but emotional blocks can leave neurodivergent teens feeling stuck. Here are a few ways to guide your teen:

• Collaborate on goal selection: Let your teen choose their own goals, even if they seem small. Ownership increases motivation and reduces resistance.
• Visualize progress: Use charts, trackers, or apps to make progress visible. Many neurodivergent students benefit from seeing steps broken down visually.
• Connect goals to personal interests: Link goals to your teen’s passions, such as music, sports, or technology, to boost engagement and reduce anxiety.
• Provide structure, not control: Offer routines and reminders, but let your teen decide how to approach tasks. This builds self-efficacy and reduces stress.
• Encourage reflection: After working toward a goal, talk about what went well and what could change next time. This teaches adaptability and resilience.

What If My Child Still Resists Goal Setting?

If your child continues to struggle to remove emotional blocks to goal setting, know that change takes time. It is common for teens, especially those who are neurodivergent, to need extra patience and reassurance. Consider these additional supports:

• Professional support: A counselor, therapist, or academic coach can help your child work through deeper emotional challenges.
• Peer connections: Encourage your child to talk with friends or join groups where they can share experiences and strategies.
• Family check-ins: Make goal setting a regular family topic, not a one-time event. Celebrate progress together, no matter how small.

Above all, remind your child that you believe in their ability to grow. Small steps add up, and setbacks are part of the learning process. With the right strategies, it is possible to remove emotional blocks to goal setting and help your child thrive.

Related Resources

• Setting SMART goals for online high school students – ASU Prep Digital
• SMART Goals for Health and Wellness – Action for Healthy Kids
• How to Set SMART Goals for Kids’ Health, Nutrition, and Physical Activity – Greaux Healthy

Tutoring Support

K12 Tutoring understands the unique journey of neurodivergent high school students and their families. Our team offers personalized guidance and encouragement, helping students build confidence, resilience, and skills for independent goal setting. Whether your child needs help identifying emotional barriers or developing practical strategies, we are here to support your family every step of the way.

Trust & Transparency Statement

Last reviewed: October 2025
This article was prepared by the K12 Tutoring education team, dedicated to helping students succeed with personalized learning support and expert guidance. K12 Tutoring content is reviewed periodically by education specialists to reflect current best practices and family feedback. Have ideas or success stories to share? Email us at [email protected].